Nine years ago I became estranged from a friend I'd known since high school. The reason can best be described as both complicated and simple.
Complicated back then, but simple now, thanks to the advantage of hindsight and the wisdom that so often comes along with age.
Regardless of the reason, the hurt associated with the loss of that friendship ranked right up there in the top five next to my divorce and the deaths of my loved ones.
But I never closed the door to that friendship. It was always left ajar.
I’ll admit there were times early in the estrangement that I had to fight the urge to go knock on her mama’s door or call up her auntie to find out how she was doing.
I never did, and after awhile it was as if my friend had dropped off the planet.
So, I put that hurt in God’s hands, but kept checking the door to make sure it was still open.
Someone standing thereNow everybody knows that when you leave your door open, somebody’s bound to come bip-boppin' in.
Some days I would check the door and my sister would be there. Our relationship grew tighter.
I found my mother and father there, too, and my children. Our bonds were strengthened.
One day a loving man from a faraway island was standing there. (That's one I never saw coming.)
A marriage and a move soon followed.
Every now and then I’d check the door and there’d be a new sisterfriend… someone to share those fall-out-of-the-chair laughs with, to sip “faux-shine” with and nibble “faux-d'oeuvres” with, to mourn our passing mothers and fathers with, to walk with, to ride with, to shop with and every now and then to sit on the beach and just do nothing with.
Over time, I've come to realize that for some of us, when we lose someone we love, whether it’s through death or estrangement, something in us is shut down, locked up. A room in the heart is closed off.
For some of us, though, loss sharpens our vision, points us toward interesting paths, throws open the doors to rooms in our hearts that we never knew were there.
The absence of a loved one’s spirit pushes us to embrace and appreciate the many blessings in our lives, makes us feel so, so... full... that we can’t help but accept the challenges of new relationships, even at the risk of getting hurt again.
We welcome someone's love, and we're not so hurt that we can't allow ourselves to give love back.
A knock at the doorJust the other day, someone tapped on my door, and I peeked out.
Was it someone playing a prank on me?
My long lost friend was standing there in the form of a one-sentence greeting sent through my Facebook account.
I caught my breath, and responded.
Is this for real?
"I'm picking myself off the floor. You don't know how much I miss you."
She wrote back, “I miss you, too!”
The exchanges got so mushy after that, I didn't know whether to laugh or throw up.
Enough, already! Now... where were we, anyway?
Later we talked on the phone. It was fast-paced, excited, peppered with lots of laughs and "remember-the-times," both of us trying to squeeze nine years of days-gone-by into a single conversation.
"You know we gotta pace ourselves," I said.
It’s cliché, yes, but after we hung up, I was surprised at how it seemed like we'd just talked the other day, like we were simply picking up a conversation we had 25 years ago.
I can’t wait to introduce her to my new life -- my new friends and new family.
The door's been kicked wide open, and I think I might just leave it that way.
Have you ever been estranged from someone you love? Were you able to work through your differences and reunite?
